dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
