I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
