My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
