The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
