perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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