God, you're like boner-b-gone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
