I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
