she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
