just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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