I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
