It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
