Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
