He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize