i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
