Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
