just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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