he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
