Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
