I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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