I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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