Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
