it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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