Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
