It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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