He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
