Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
