ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
