im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I party with great urgency now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize