i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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