Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
