im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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