Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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