I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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