too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
