Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize