Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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