Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
