I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize