make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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