Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
