Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
