moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my sisters under your porch take her home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
