you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
