For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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