your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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