you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
