Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize