two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
