I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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