1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
