The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
