Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
