She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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