he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
