I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So much rum. So many feels.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
