What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He shit in the fireplace
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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