i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize