oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
