I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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