the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
